The startening of linguagistics

The alpha male belched his satisfaction upon finishing the fire-singed slab of masticated mastodon that his secondary mate had presented to him.

His secondary mate recognised this as his happy belch, moreover; so did his primary mate. She in turn growled a warning to the secondary not to enjoy his praise too much.

His tertiary mate whimpered as she recognised that her position in the pecking order would now be even more difficult to improve upon. She accepted her place with a sigh.

The beta male, unencumbered by the laborious mating responsibilities which always occupied the alpha, memorised all the belches, growls, whimpers and sighs, and their meanings. He called them ‘words’.

He learned the word ‘rock’, and the word ‘head’ and applied them to the alpha. Thus the beta became the alpha, and everything became words.

Which led to linguagistic emergifications such as:

fungetwuzzler: one who drinks too much, too quickly, and fails to last the night

grainygoogoo: a thick, hot porridge, perfect for a winter’s day

screechiboompy: the sudden braking of a speeding vehicle

whadofuh: a dramatic and unexpected turn of events

belthang: a man’s protruding stomach (female equiv: gunt)

drinkohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems


“Whadofuh!” cried James, and a serious whadofuh it was as the taxi went screechiboompy, causing him to emit a belthang full of grainygoogoo over the irate driver.

“Bloody fungetwuzzler!” yelled the cabbie, “You should learn to handle your drinkohol.”


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